When parents separate, sorting out where the children live and how they spend time with each parent can feel overwhelming. Most people imagine court is the default route, but in England and Wales, the legal system actively encourages families to try other options first. Understanding how the process works, and where it can lead, helps parents feel more in control during what is an uncertain time.
This guide walks through the typical journey, from informal conversations through to a court application, and explains where mediation fits in.
What are child arrangements?
Child arrangements cover the practical decisions parents need to make after separating. This includes where the children live, how they see each parent, where they spend school holidays, and how big decisions about their upbringing are made. It also includes things like contact during birthdays, religious occasions, and family events.
There is no single right answer. Every family is different. What works for one set of siblings may not suit another. The aim is to find an arrangement that puts the children’s welfare first while being workable for both parents.
Many parents start by agreeing things informally between themselves. This can work well where communication is reasonably good. If a more structured agreement is needed, families turn to child arrangements through mediation before considering court.
Why parents are encouraged to try mediation first?
The family courts in England and Wales expect separating parents to consider mediation before applying to court, except in specific circumstances such as domestic abuse or urgent safeguarding issues. This is set out in the Children and Families Act 2014.
There are good reasons for this. Court proceedings can take many months, sometimes longer. They can also be expensive and emotionally draining. Mediation tends to be faster, cheaper, and far less adversarial. It also gives parents more control over the outcome, rather than handing the decision to a judge who does not know the family.
Research from the Ministry of Justice has shown that mediated agreements tend to last longer because both parents have shaped them. People are more likely to stick to an arrangement they helped build.
What happens during a MIAM?
Before applying to court, most parents must attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM. This is a meeting with a trained family mediator, usually lasting around an hour.
During a MIAM, the mediator will:
- Explain how mediation works and what other options are available
- Assess whether mediation is suitable for the situation
- Discuss safeguarding concerns, including any history of domestic abuse
- Talk through costs and timeframes
If mediation is not suitable, the mediator signs a court form confirming this, which allows the parent to apply to court. If it is suitable, both parents are invited to attend joint sessions.
How mediation helps parents reach agreement?
In joint mediation sessions, a neutral mediator helps parents discuss the issues and work towards solutions. The mediator does not take sides and does not impose decisions. They help structure the conversation so that both parents can be heard.
Topics covered include living arrangements, school pick-ups, holiday schedules, and how to handle changeovers. Some sessions also touch on financial matters where they affect the children, such as school fees or activities.
If parents reach agreement, the mediator drafts a Memorandum of Understanding. This is not legally binding on its own, but it can be turned into a Consent Order through a solicitor, which makes it enforceable.
When court may still be necessary?
Mediation is not right for every family. Court may be needed where:
- There has been domestic abuse or safeguarding concerns
- One parent refuses to attend mediation
- Mediation has been tried but did not result in agreement
- A child has been wrongfully removed from the home or jurisdiction
- Urgent decisions are needed
The court’s main duty under the Children Act 1989 is to put the welfare of the child first. Section 1(3) sets out a welfare checklist that judges use, including the child’s wishes and feelings, their physical and emotional needs, and the likely effect of any change in circumstances.
What the C100 form is?
The C100 form is the official application to start court proceedings about a child. It is used to apply for:
- A Child Arrangements Order (covering where a child lives and who they spend time with)
- A Prohibited Steps Order (preventing a specific action, such as taking a child abroad)
- A Specific Issue Order (asking the court to decide on a particular question, such as schooling or medical treatment)
The form asks for details about the children, both parents, and the issues in dispute. It must usually be accompanied by a MIAM certificate, unless an exemption applies. There is a court fee, currently set by HMCTS, although fee remissions are available for those on lower incomes or certain benefits.
What happens after submitting a C100?
Once the application is filed, the court arranges a First Hearing Dispute Resolution Appointment, called an FHDRA. This usually takes place within four to six weeks, although waiting times vary by region.
At the FHDRA, the judge or magistrates will look at what is in dispute and explore whether agreement can be reached. A Cafcass officer (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) attends and will have done background safeguarding checks beforehand.
If agreement is not possible at this stage, the court may order further evidence, a Section 7 welfare report from Cafcass, or a fact-finding hearing where there are serious allegations. The case may go through several hearings before a final order is made.
The leading case of Re B (A Child) [2009] UKSC 5 reinforced the principle that the welfare of the child is paramount in all decisions, which remains the guiding standard today.
Practical tips for separating parents
A few things tend to help families through this process:
- Keep communication child-focused. Avoid discussing adult disputes in front of the children.
- Write things down. A written schedule prevents misunderstandings later.
- Be willing to compromise on smaller details. Holding firm on every point rarely helps.
- Consider counselling or support for yourself. Looking after your own wellbeing helps you parent better.
- It can be helpful to get legal advice early, particularly if the situation is complicated.
A final thought
The journey from separation to a settled arrangement looks different for every family. Some reach agreement at the kitchen table. Others need the structure of mediation. A smaller number will need the courts to decide. None of these routes is a failure. What matters is that the children’s needs come first and that parents feel they have been treated fairly along the way.
Taking time to understand the process, and where to get support, can make a real difference during a difficult period.